Cecilia’s arrival wasn’t ideal in terms of timing even though it was essentially planned. I had come down with a pretty bad cold that was wreaking havoc on my sinus’s and my throat. Pregnancy had been tough on me, I was simply worn down from trying to keep up with my very active newly 4 year old boy and 2 year old boy. I called my OBGYN two days before my possible C-Section to inform her on how I was feeling and if we should move forward considering I would not want to get my newborn sick. I was informed that unless I had the actual flu it would be fine to move forward. Knowing my body was going to go through a major surgery and feeling really sick as well was definitely not what I was hoping for. At the same time my mom had flown out for a scheduled amount of time and ideally for the sake of the family I thought it was best to move forward with the planned date should I not go into labor on my own.
I still was holding out hope for a v-bac even after two C-sections, and I was doing everything I could to help promote labor. As we turned into my last week of pregnancy my hope of going into labor moved into acceptance of yet another C-Section; although I did have my doctor check me literally right before surgery just to see if things had started moving. Unfortunately they had not so we went ahead with the C-Section. What was surprising is that this birth turned out to be all I had hoped in a vaginal birth even with being sick. I feel truly blessed to have had such an amazing team provide me with incredibly beautiful moments that I look forward to sharing with Cecilia when she is older.
Some of you might know this already but we decided not to find out the gender of our baby until birth. I had always wanted to do this since our first and with it being our third my husband was on board. Let me add that another motivator was if Cecilia had been a boy I did not want to hear the comments like, “ ahhhhh you didn’t get your girl” I just wanted the baby to be celebrated so by not finding out I avoided a lot of these comments. Our decision to have a third was never about trying for a certain gender, but more to share about reasons why we had a third on another blog post. Anyway my point is that was an incredibly special moment finding out if our baby was a girl or a boy in the delivery room. I hadn’t really thought about if the doctor was going to tell me the gender when our baby was born but I’m so glad she didn’t. My OBGYN held our newborn up and asked me to share the gender of the baby to the entire operating room. I still have chills when I go back to this moment in my mind. I remember staring at our newborn looking for the boy parts and in complete shock when I realized we had a baby girl. Tears immediately started streaming down my face as I thought for sure I was going to have another boy which I would have loved as well but I think the entire shock was incredibly emotional. Not to mention the unexpected moment of announcing our little one to the entire room. If any of you are on the fence in waiting until birth to find out the gender of your baby just wait, seriously one of the coolest moments in my life.
Now the missing piece to my previous C-Sections is that I was not able to do skin to skin until I was brought out of surgery with both of my sons. This time the nurse handed Cecilia to me and I was holding her in my arms as they were stitching me back up. I can’t even begin to explain the emotions I had holding her at the moment and I feel incredibly lucky that my husband got it all on video. That moment I had desperately wanted with my boys and now finally I had it with Cecilia, it was perfection as was the next three days of what I call newborn bliss. Its those days were you are happily tired and you get to just be there in the moment with this beautiful human. Obviously there is the other side of recovery but seriously that newborn bliss is like heaven to me and probably why I willingly went through that recovery three times.
Now we are 4 months into this new life as a family of five and even with life challenges our newest addition seriously is the sweetest part of our family. The boys adore her and I don’t want to put her down ever. There’s something about her easy going attitude and the smiles that make her just meant to be with us.
I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. In the first two weeks after each baby arrived it always starts out so wonderfully and then it quickly takes a turn to the most painful moments I have ever experienced in my life. I do believe my determination to breastfeed has taken a toll on my mental health with each child. Fed is definitely best but my desire to control this part of my journey into motherhood significantly has to do with not being able to have a vaginal birth. In my hormonal mind breastfeeding is a replacement for a delivery I really wanted but could not make work. Obviously, this is not healthy and I’m finally realizing this by the third baby. At the same time old habits are tough to shake and when I found myself in the same painful place with Cece just two weeks after her birth I couldn’t let go of breastfeeding her.
My name is Kimberly Didrikson I reside in Huntington Beach, CA with my husband, two toddler boy, and a baby girl. I'm originally from Maine and moved to California after my senior year of college. I spent 15 years growing my career at a fortune 100 company although after much consideration following the birth of my second son I became a stay at home mom. As I have transitioned into motherhood I have found much confidence in educating myself in understanding the development stages of my children. This blog is my opportunity to share the journey of motherhood through discovery of on the job experiences and